Sick Saga

I don't do sick well at all. I have no patience for people who are sick & even less for myself when in that condition. It makes me grumpy & anti-social more than I normally am....if that's even possible. I find it particularly unfair that I started getting sick the morning of my birthday....and how do you catch something when you haven't been face to face with another human being for at least 10 days!?
The kitties think they're helping by making sure to lie on me every time I hold still....it's hard to get up quickly with three of them stacked on your lap like dead wood when those constant urges demand you leap to pay homage to the porcelain god. As I attempt to race for the bathroom before I end up depositing bodily fluids across the carpet, it becomes an obstacle course of cats who are almost comatose but manage to instinctively throw those claws a few inches into my skin...OUCH....get under my feet, race ahead of me & leap onto the toilet seat, knock over the glass of water on the sink, and engage in a war over the space on my lap as soon as I sit down. If, instead of it being a "sit down" emergency, I'm attempting to do some creative projectile art made from the contents of the morning's vitamin intake, I have to avoid the furry demon who thinks this is the perfect time to assist with the way my hair is arranged on my head.
And being ill with a fever of 101.1 for 3 days is in no way an acceptable excuse for failing to keep their breakfast served on time, the water fountain clean & full, or their two litter boxes scooped. I know this because of the little paws full of claws that still found a way past my drugged stupor at 6:30 in the morning, the lapping noises coming from the dishes in the sink I was too sick to wash, and the appearance of kittie pooh in forbidden places. ( YOU try navigating stairs down to the litter boxes when just sitting up causes your eyes to roll back in your head....NOT gonna go near the stairs!) I would have done some very loud yelling....but it makes my head hurt....

Can somebody explain what the companies who make cold/flu remedies are thinking when they print directions? I keep a couple of OTC medicines in the cabinet, but I seldom get sick, so it's not like I even look at the box more than once every couple of years......mostly I end up throwing away most of them because they expire before I need them again....but there I stood, weaving about, eyes runny, barely able to breath and now I have to try to see the instructions about dosage so I don't overdo it. It was like trying to read the encyclopedia on the head of a pin! Miles of tiny words of warning about not mixing this with that, following the dosage instructions, not operating heavy machinery (Yep...I'm barely able to stand up, so make sure to warn me about climbing onto the family backhoe lest I run over something!) but the info about how much of this magic potion I'm supposed to shove down my aching throat & how often to do it is buried in wrap-around words on the corner of the box.
I thought about turning on the bright make-up lights so I could maybe see these pearls of wisdom a little better, but that much extra light just makes my eyes water even more.
Then the fun of actually getting the pills out of those little individual packets......I'm SICK & lucky to have even found the stupid box they came in & you expect me to figure out how to open by bending on the notch & tearing on the dotted line....I can't even SEE the notch or the dotted line & don't have the strength to tear off toilet paper, but you want me to tear open this plastic that is strong enough to build a bomb shelter!!! GET REAL! I sure hope the scissors I resorted to aren't considered heavy machinery......can I get a ticket for that?
The bad part of taking medicine that gets rid of nasty symptoms is that then you feel better.....seems like a good thing, but it's not.....really. Hunger returns & just enough energy to make you think you can stumble into the kitchen & fix something to eat. This is a mistake because you will grab the easiest thing within reach & attempt to stuff it past your sore throat....and probably manage since you've only been drinking water for the last three days. Within 5 minutes you will be dashing for the bathroom....again. And the kitties will try to beat you there....again. And you will be cleaning what missed the toilet off the floor....again. And you will be changing your underwear for the 10th time today.
You will lose 10 pounds in about 4 days, but as soon as the worst passes & you finally manage to keep food in your system for more than 15 minutes, you will gain it all back in 2 days. You will finally manage to drag yourself out to the store & refill the kittie food supply and have a two day relapse.....

sick......sucks......sigh......

Yetch

sick sucks..........sigh......